Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.

There is a slight possibility that I have a job, and I will find out definitely on Friday either way. I don't want to post too much about it now because I fear that I'll jinx it.

Keep your fingers crossed.

Chuck Norris can slam a revovling door.

You are now entering the PANIC ZONE (enter at your own risk)

So yesterday morning the people who I puppysat for came home, but not before Derek and I could display our obsessions. Derek, while on the roof catching the dreaded frog, noticed that there was a hole in their gutter and that they were clogged up. So the next day he got out on the roof and fixed it.

Then, because I couldn't take it anymore, I cleaned the house. This swiffer was from a small portion of the floor... dirt and hair is a major enemy.

So now that we're coming up on my last week of lessons, I am in panic mode. After this week, I am unemployed, and my money will slowly, well probably quickly, dwindle until I screw both Derek and I (him because we share financial responsibilities) out of house and home and we end up homeless and dirty (eewww dirty). I'm not sure what to do. There are just no jobs out there, and I need to be making more money than I'm used to because I no longer have free government money to support me. In fact, I'll have to start paying back my loans, so I'm double screwed. I've started the hunt by looking into preschools (you know the place where my entire graduating class as well as a bunch of recently laid off experienced teachers are looking), no luck so far. I also joined nannies4hire.com although I'm finding out that nannies don't make shit for money (think $14,000-$19,000 a year for full time work). I'm incredibly stressed out. I freak every time I have to pay for anything, I jump on any ridiculous and undesirable effort to make money, and I am an overall cranky miserable wench.

Damn shitty economy.

Chuck Norris does not wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Life without Internet is no Life at all

So our poor man's vacation hasn't been without our every day craziness. Here are a few details:

*On Sunday evening, as I was awaiting a pizza with some friends so we could start off our hot tub party, I got a call and discovered that the job I had set up isn't going to work out. That means after next week, I'm unemployed. Great way to start a party and semi-vacation no?

*I discovered that having one puppy is a lot of work and isn't always a good idea, and that having two puppies is only for the most insanely stupid people on the planet. Buy older dogs, or just one!

*The day before they left for vacation their backyard got hit by lightening, and they lost internet. And, as proof that there is no god, our internet went out too. So I had to go to friends' houses to use their's and spend many a day wondering if I am missing important swim business emails.

*Last night around 8 or so we started hearing this noise that we thought was a bird. The noise was TERRIBLE--it sounded like a car alarm. Then, around 1am the noise got really loud and woke us both up. At this point I was ready to lock and load and bring this species one bird closer to the all elusive extinction. Derek felt the same and decided to rid the area of this bird only to find out that it wasn't a bird at all. It was a frog, and it was sitting on the roof right by our window. So Derek sprayed some weed killer on it in an attempt to end its life, then he put it in some tupperware and put it on the front porch. It was still alive this morning, so Derek is going to let it go (well, hopefully he'll kill it) by his work--far from us! That freaking frog kept us both up for over 2 hours, and showed no signs of stopping until we went Chuck Norris on its ass and gave it the boot. This is what it looked like:

Derek heard that the Cuban Tree Frog was a bad thing and that people should kill it, but I looked it up and apparently this isn't it. However, I think we should all band together to spread out ads that this is the Cuban Tree Frog or maybe a close cousin to it and that it should be killed. We'll make up stories that it's poison kills babies, and we'll pay celebrities to get in on it and say that the poison nearly killed one of the many preggo celebs . We'll make t-shirts. We'll start websites. We'll run fancy commercials that will put the pres candidates' commercials to shame. And we'll get both of the pres candidates to back us too! If we band together we can get this P.O.S. frog well on its way to extinction.

Sorry--if you heard that damn thing, you'd rant a bit too.

We'll thats all for now, I'm off to tend to the puppies and look for jobs.

TTFN

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

The Poor Man's Vacation

Derek and I are currently, well once I start my big girl job, in the pursuit of the American dream-home ownership. Unfortunately there are drawbacks to this pursuit-- like a complete and total lack of mola and/or the unwillingness to spend it because you want a house slightly more than you want fun. However, Derek and I will not be suffering this summer. In fact, we get to go on a bit of a vacation and I'm getting paid for it. From yesterday to next Saturday morning, I am puppy sitting for a family in Stoneybrook that is on a cruise. Because their dogs are still puppies and require lots of attention, Derek and I have been invited to stay over their house, and we were given free range to everything...yes EVERYTHING. They even told us to feel free to empty out their extensive liquor cabinet. Its a pretty sweet deal. They have a flat screen HD TV and all the HD programming (although they have satellite...yuck), a pool and plenty of toys (as demonstrated by my lovely assistant above), a hot tub, a huge deck, and overall a huge house. This is the ultimate poor man's vacation. All the luxuries I could want and all I have to do is walk and feed the dogs, and feed the fish (its a sweet salt water tank too). Too bad part of the poor man's vacation involves not taking off work and only enjoying your fancy "hotel" in the mornings, on your lunch break, and in the evenings, but at least we have a full weekend here. So I'm off. I have a fruity cocktail and a cool pool awaiting me!

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of suprise.

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!? ITS 8:14 IN THE FREAKING MORNING!!!

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Before I tell you about my very gay weekend, I should inform you that today I learned that although my car is fully capable of sputtering and stopping due to a lack of gas, it does not have a gas light. I learned this the hard way. Fortunately I have my knight in shining armor (well in green work shirt) to save the day, and in true perfect boyfriend form, when I asked him if he ever gets sick of having to come to my rescue he said no and that he enjoys it. Now thats a man looking to get some tonight!

Now...

The Gayest Night Ever

So a while ago my friend asked me if I would go to Pulse, a gay bar, with her and her co-worker (who is gay and new to the area, so he doesn't have any gay friends) on Friday. I figured it would be fun, so I got myself together and we were on our way. First we went to Hamburger Mary's which is apparently a gay hamburger joint downtown (who knew restaurants had sexual orientations).


While there we met this pack of cute gay boys who we asked about Pulse. They said it allowed kids 18 and up and so it had alot of young kids who would ask us to buy them booze. Then they told us they were going to Parliment House and asked us to join them, so we did. OMG! That place is a circus. Everywhere we went there was something crazy--a geriatric tranny, an old man dommie couple, a guy trying to look like 50 Cent (we called him 25 Cents), and so much more!

Here is the best part. While there I discovered that gay men LOVE boobs. I mean, as I was walking around, guys would just walk up to me, squeeze my boobs, and tell me I'm gorgeous. I even had a gay man motor boat my boobs. Best part, they bought me drinks!! I was saying, "My Boobs are like Visa, they're accepted everywhere." (which is why I want my photoshop back, so I can make a boob visa card). Who knew the trick to getting to get guys to pay for your drinks was going to a gay bar! I have never had more fun in my life than I did at that gay bar!!! Anywho, here are some of the pics for your enjoyment.

There is no "ctrl" button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

This weekend ROCKED!! Yesterday Sydni, who is a girl that I babysit for and whose family is more like my own than the one I was born into, came over for the day to play. I had 2 exciting projects for us to do. First I showed her how to use my sewing machiene and she made 2 pillows--one for her and one for her brother.

Then we baked a cake that she decorated totally by herself. She wanted to decorate it like a birthday cake since her brother's birthday is next week. How sweet! It was so much fun having her over, and she totally loved sewing! She'll definitely be over again!



The other part of my weekend I will post about once I get the pictures from my neighbor (I got to a point in my intoxication that evening where I decided to let others handle the picture taking), but lemmie tell you I have never had more fun in my life than I did on Friday night, and it all started when I noticed my drink matched my dress...


=) TTFN

ps- I switched back to photobucket instead of Flickr because I can easily post multiple pics in my blog without signing up for yet another site or program. I like Flickr, but it doesn't really suit my needs.

pps- I think for a little while I am going to use hilarious Chuck Norris facts for my titles

ppps- I really wish I still had photoshop on my comp--thats the one bummer to my new one. I need a new photoshop disc asap!!

The dream lost

Today was the first time it hit me--I'm not going to be a teacher. Its strange because since middle school, without wavering, I've known that I wanted to teach young children in some capacity. With the whole teaching thing going to hell in a hand basket, I knew I needed other options. I've been so focused on just getting a job that it didn't even matter what I was doing. And I was genuinely excited about working for the neurologist's office, but suddenly I've realized that the dream is lost and I can't have it back for a while. I'm still somewhat excited to work at the neurologist's office because it will be easier, has the potential to pay better, and has better hours, but I can't help but feel odd leaving teaching behind. It feels like a piece of me (a piece that has collected 3 bed bins and 4 storage tubs of stuff) has been cut out. I have hope though, that one day I will be in front of my very own classroom. One day...

TTFN

July 4th and "friends"

The 4th was fun! We hung out with my future bosses and their 5 kids in Avalon. We grilled out, then ate my delicious red, white, and blue cupcakes.

Played the coolest new thing on the planet--the Wii Fit.


Played with sparklers.


And watched the fireworks from the 2nd floor. (This was the first year I didn't sweat or swat bugs while watching fireworks!)


It was fun, but I can't help thinking we invited ourselves over. It seems lately like thats the only way we hang with "friends" anymore. I'm not quite sure what it is that people dislike so much about us but it seems that we're always on the back burner, if we're even on the oven at all. I only have friends who call when they need help with a class that they would fail without me, or friends who suddenly want to hang out with me and then reveal that they/their friend/their relative needs swim lessons or a babysitter. I feel like people only hang out with me out of pity or because they want something from me. Do I have some sort of terrible character flaw that I am unaware of? Do I smell bad? Am I weird or uncool? What is the freaking problem?!?!? I'm really frustrated, and to top it all off, it recently occurred to me that it won't change anytime soon. I always figured all this crap would end when I started teaching because I'd make teacher friends, but now I'm going to work for someone where I'm the only employee--no coworker friends for me.

I guess I'll just have to learn to enjoy weekend nights at home eating frozen pizzas and watching TiVo. They're not bad, but I wish there was an option to at least enjoy the TiVo with some company once and a while.